I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
