Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
