apparently the secret to your success is patron
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
