when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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