Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
