I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
