You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
