Too much gin, very little bucket
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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