How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
