Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
