I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
