so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
