It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
