i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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