then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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