Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
