Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
