My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
