But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
