those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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