I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
