Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
