i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
