you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
