i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
