Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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