As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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