Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
