just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
