Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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