cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
