Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
