She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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