yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
