Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
