I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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