There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He shit in the fireplace
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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