At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
