hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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