is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm both gender and math confused
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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