I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
