Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
