so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
