I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
