I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
