"it" just moved
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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