When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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