and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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