I hate your face
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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