This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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