does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am one with the molecules
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
