My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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