Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
