if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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